Sometimes no matter how much you do, all it takes is just one incident to bring both parties back to square one. It's just like in a friendship, all it takes is a quarrel to end it.

In r/s its the same as well. I've no idea whatever I've been doing is right. I need reassurance to know that whatever im doing is right,but somehow its difficult. With so much to hide from the other party and I really hate it when others know about it. They are not me, they don't know me, who are they to judge me here?? It doesn't make sense to be telling people about our things when they don't even know me. I don't understand why can't he be Frank wif me, it seems like there's so much to hide from me.

So now you advice me on how to tackle this problem, do you think I don't know? I just don't want to hurt him anymore, its my fault right from the start, do you understand? Yes I may be selfish, and do you know so much sharing with others that I don't know means judging from others? I really dont like the feeling of it. I'm not the kind of person that other people say, maybe you don't see why I end it so quickly, I had a choice still. Choosing to give up means that I want you to be in my life, I knw I shldnt be unfair to you. I know its not right to have 2person at once.

Then again I see the shadows of me in you, you're focusing so much on the unhappy things here... You never realize how much I learn to adapt when I'm with you.

Hais, there's so much to learn from one another. Reading all those stuff doesn't make me feel any better. I wish there are less biased people ard. How could you feel that everything is temporary? You think I'll take the entire issue as a joke? I won't alright, there are many decisions that I've to make. One of it is to leave and now a clean break from it. But its so difficult, I've tried so hard, he doesn't understand how much I've to put through. Yes its unfair to him, but really give me some time. If its really bothering him so much maybe we shld just stop and give me a real break.

I'm willing to learn to adapt, its not all that easy as people think. It's not like I've another and I stop being upset over the past. I still do cry, do they know? I don't know if its a mistake to allow him to enter my life. I really hope he allows me to enter his life completely soon. There's too much walls put up infront of me here. I feel that whatever he's saying he may not mean it. Maybe just sometimes, its not abt being rational, being truthful to one another is impt, even if it means being hurt. I rather be hurt n understand than be happy and not knowing what he is thinking. Then him on the other hand pouring his sorrows to other people who don't know me at all.

I really hate this entire thing, I hate myself for putting myself in such a situation in which I'm so lost. Either ways I don't see how much its going to bring me tooo. Hope you let those walls down from me real soon, heartbreaking to know whatever you say, you don't actually mean it.