TODAY WAS A SAD DAY FOR ME.
not that anything saddening things actually happen, i just arent happy.
i kept reflecting, kept thinking on the to tuition.
suddenly i've got this grudge all over again.
then during my music lessons i felt so inferior cus i could not play as well as my friend.
GRUDGE.
i dont understand why people always have to blame me.
blame me for everything BAD i've done.
then neglect all the good things that i did for them or whatsoever.
i feel so stupid sometimes, feel so being used.
today i recieved a message that ask me to help the person do something. i UNWILLINGLY agreed.
WHATEVER.
then when i left for tuition i started thinking. why cant she do it? why must it be me?
why must she ask me to do when she can do herself? why didnt she give a explanation.
okay maybe i shouldn't dwell with it, she did give her reason, in a way which is kinda reasonable.
forget about.
then i continue thinking about why was she always blaming me, LAST TIME.
she blame me for not being able to lead. but whatever she does, its simply preventing me from leading.
what i'm tryingto say is that, when i was not around. whatever the teacher says, its not made known to me.
then when i heard it from other juniors and i ask, she will simply put it in a way which is MY FAULT.
for example--> why didnt you ask me? i forgot marh.
isnt that, great?
nevermind that, when i return, all the people are taking HER as the leader.
what's there left for me to do? tell me, tell me, tell me.
she blames me though not in a harsh tone.
but i know deep down she's unhappy.
but so what? teachers are reminding her this and that. i get information from HER.
the teacher doesnt even regard me as the leader why should i be one then?
juniors tell her everything, does she even understand how i feel?
how inferior i felt, as though i was USELESS. just someone useless, standin there obstructing the way.
its my fault, my fault and my fault.
all the credits goes to her, i'm left with nothing except scolding and blamings.
i hate it. i despise it. but what can i do?
others chose to believe those who are already capable.
they refuse to try and accept those who aren't yet capable but am able if they want to.
so what am i suppose to do exactly.
if she's in my position what would she do?
then i continue into linking to an issue.
being late.
i'm always either late or early.
people only look at the LATE part and forgets about the EARLY part.
amazing huh?
they blame you fro everything when you're late.
sarcasim and all shoots at me every now and then when i'm late.
i hate it.
want to know why? you must be curious.
when they are late, i dont blame them why must they blame me.
maybe i use to be late everytime i went out.
but i changed, didnt i? nvm that, SHE even tried lying to me about the time.
take for example we're suppose to meet at 2.30. she'll tell me to meet at 2.15.
maybe i'm weird, but i HATE THIS.
i felt hurt when i knew it. i'm just toally upset by it.
but what did SHE say? smirk at me and joke about it. asshole. -.-
then when SHE's late, she'll joke about it.
yarh, is this how SHE treat me?
maybe its time i reconsider if this friendship is really that worthwhile afterall.
you've got a lot to blame me, so do i.
dont compared, you'll never know how much you hurt me just like how i dont now i've hurt you too.
you always think, everything you've done is good, nothing's wrong.
but in reality its not true AT ALL.
INFERIOR.
i've never really felt superior in my life before.
not for more than a split second.
i've got to learn to be more selfish.
be more cautious of what i do.
cus every movement, every step you take, someone's watching.
i must be selfish, cause no one's gonna pity you went you're left behind.
why do all this unhappiness keep coming back and lurks in my dreams?
i've been hiding all these fears and anger within me.
i cried today.
this is just an emo post, ignore if you want.(:
Width 410px would look sweet. :)